Short Speech

Occasion: Wedding Toast

 

Information On Which the Toast is Based

I have to give a toast at my best friend's wedding, and I don't know where to start.  I'm not much of a public speaker, so I tried to write one I can read, but it's terrible.  I'm sending the stuff I want to say to you, and maybe you can write a good-sounding toast for me to read.

I've known Ken, the groom, since Roosevelt Elementary School.  He was quiet all the way through high school-even college-and didn't have many dates.  I went out a lot more, and now he's getting married, and I'm still single (you could bust on me here).  He met Shannon last summer, and it was like a rocket ship taking off.  He still has a year of graduate school, but they decided to get married.  She's going to work while he finishes school, then she's going back to school for her masters degree.  She's two years older than Ken.  She finished her bachelors degree four years ago, and has a pretty good job, but wants to get a masters in business administration.

I'd like to stick it to Ken a little about being supported by "an older woman," and I want to give Shannon a lot of support.  She's a good person, very strong and honest and hard-working.  And of course I want to wish them a happy life, including children.  They both want children.

 

    The information     shown at the left
    was provided by
    the purchaser of
    the wedding toast.     You will submit a     similar block of
    information on your
    order form.  In turn,     you can expect to     receive a response     comparable to the     short speech shown     below.

 

 

 

 

The Toast , written in response to the information above.

 

I've known Ken a long time-since he was a little nerd at Roosevelt Elementary School.  We hung with each other in middle school and high school.  I watched him grow and mature, until eventually he became  [ pause ]  a big nerd.

Seriously, how does a guy like Ken, who spent so much time being a good student, snag someone like Shannon-while I, who spent so much time being a ladies' man, stand here single-toasting his good fortune?

Actually, I think I know how he did it.  Ken is no ordinary guy.  [ Insert a story or two about how he helped or supported you in a big way ].  If Ken is half as good a partner to Shannon as he's been a friend to me, I don't see how she could resist wanting to spend the rest of her life with him. Thanks for everything, buddy!

And about Shannon: a lot of us have fantasies about being supported by a very attractive older woman with a good income  [ pause ]  but you're the only one we know who's pulled it off!  [ pause ]  We just want to tell you that we all love Shannon almost as much as you do, so be good to her. Cherish her.  You have one year of free room and board.  After that, it's "get out and make some bucks."

Finally, I'd like to make a few predictions. Generally, predictions are as accurate as the information they're based on-so I feel very confident of these predictions.  They're based on what I know of you two.

. I predict that you'll each have all the professional
  success you deserve.

. I predict that you'll take good care of each other.

. I predict that your respect and consideration for
  each other will bring you closer together every
  year.

. I predict that you'll have those children you want
   together . . . and

. I predict that those children will be fortunate to
   have you as parents.

In short, I predict that the two of you will have a life together that most people only dream of-and one that everyone will envy.  [ Raising the glass ] Let's all drink to a happy, healthy, love-filled future for Ken and Shannon.                                                                            

 

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